Solitude
by Subject87
Summary: A depressed and desperate Freddie only wants one thing now... Please Read and review!


Freddie looked up at the stone building and sighed in relief, the stone spire seemed to rise above the city it over looked, almost like a watchful protector. Freddie straightened the dirty brown t-shirt which failed to hide the scars covering his arms, each scar representing one of the many attempts to end his life since he had left Seattle.

Seattle, the city seemed so far away now.. He had left years ago, he couldn't remember how long it had been now. He remembered Carly leaving, and then Sam had left, and he'd been left alone with Gibby trying to fill the void the two girls had left in his life but failing miserably. Shortly after that Freddie had left, running away from Seattle and the feelings of abandonment. The feelings followed, how ever, and his first attempt to end his life had followed shortly. The blade had felt good at first, each slice causing him to bleed more, but he began to feel fear as the blood kept trickling down and he began to feel weaker. The fear had kept him alive (and gained him a few scars along the way) but he felt as if he had no purpose, no true reason to live.

That feeling, the feeling of being useless, had brought him here to this stone spired church which looked like all the others he had visited. He entered the church and looked around, it was still early so the sun had barely risen resulting in a dark building. "Perfect." He muttered as he slipped into the back pew where it was completely dark and closed his eyes, the prayer he was about to mutter was like an old friend now- he had recited so many times.

_I'm sitting here alone in darkness  
waiting to be free,  
Lonely and forlorn I'm crying  
I long for my time to come  
death means just life  
Please let me die in solitude  
_

He clasped his hands together, his lips uttering the desperate plea as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the wooden pew in front of him.

_Hate is my only friend  
pain is my father  
torment is delight to me  
Death is my sanctuary  
I seek it with pleasure  
Please let me die in solitude _

Solitude- his main wish in life was solitude now; there was a time in his life when he needed people, craved any attention he could get from people his age. How times had changed, he had been helped in realizing that people would just let him down, that he was better off without them, all he wanted now was to spend his life in solitude and let that life end quickly.

_Receive my sacrifice  
my lifeblood is exhausted  
no-one gave love and understanding  
Hear these words  
vilifiers and pretenders  
and please let me die in solitude _

He opened his eyes and looked up as the sun began to leak through the windows, it was almost time for him to leave. He opened his mouth to utter the final words of the desperate prayer but stopped... What was he doing? Was this just an attempt to find someone to help him end it? The former iCarly technical producer sighed and kept his eyes on the window, the light shining into his eyes.

_Earth to earth  
Ashes to ashes  
Dust to dust _

The prayer, or plea as he preferred to call it (he refused to admit he was praying), was over. He stood up and turned to exit before hearing a voice from the back of the building "You should not pray for death my son."

The brunette man turned to look at the owner of the voice, a young priest no older than 24, and smiled bitterly, "Sometimes death is all a person has left."

"I do not believe that."

"Yeah well I do... It may seem over dramatic but I honestly have nothing to live for.."

"I do not believe that." The young priest repeated, "You simply lost something, now you must learn to move on."

The words seemed sensible, maybe too sensible for the troubled young man, "I'll keep it mind." he lied "See ya."

"I can help you." The priest offered, "You do not have to suffer in solitude."

"Didn't you hear my prayer? I want to be in solitude." Freddie replied as he exited the church, hoping this time his plea would give him the courage to finish the job.

* * *

**Note: **Hope you guys enjoy this, just a morbid little oneshot I thought up after listening to Candlemass's Solitude. I don't own the rights to the song or iCarly, i'm just a poor fanfic author. Please R&R!


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